Every culture, country, and religious faith has its own unique wedding traditions. These not only reflect a particular cultural or religious outlook, but also embody a symbolic representation of the meaning of love and marriage. You may want to include one of these customs or an adaptation of it in your wedding because it represents homage to your own roots or simply because it touches your heart. There are, of course, a great many customs that I have not included here, but the ones I’ve selected seem to speak most directly to the condition of our times, the contemporary longings of our hearts. They are also most adaptable to the wedding ceremonies in this book.
The Wedding Tree
Before, during, or after your wedding ceremony, plant a tree, either at your home or in some public place. The planting of a tree represents not only new life, but life continuing. As the tree grows in height, strength, and visibility, it symbolizes the maturing of your love. The custom of planting a wedding tree comes to us from Bermuda, where newlyweds traditionally plant a small tree in their garden.
Breaking a Glass
The traditional Jewish wedding ceremony includes a “breaking of the glass.” Here the groom, having been offered a glass on a wooden pallet or wrapped in a cloth napkin, smashes it with his foot. The breaking of the glass symbolizes the fragility of life, the fact that whatever we see before us as whole can be rendered broken at any moment. It calls our attention to the need for care toward one another; for just as a glass can be shattered with a single blow, so the grace of the marriage bond can be destroyed with a single infidelity or repeated large or small acts of emotional irresponsibility.
The Chinese Wedding Goblet
In the traditional Chinese ceremony, the bride and groom are presented with two goblets of honey and wine that are tied together with a red ribbon. At some point in the ceremony, they drink together from the goblets. In the Chinese symbology of color, red is the color of courage and of joy. Thus, the sharing of the wedding cup means that in marriage the bride and groom are coming together not only in the joy of love, but also in the courage it will inevitably require.
The Flower-Strewn Path
In the past in England, a bride and her bridesmaids would walk to the church on a path strewn with flowers. This is a lovely, colorful (and fragrant) tradition that can be carried out in the aisle of your church, on the outside steps, or in any meadow or mountaintop on which you may choose to get married.
What is symbolized here is the wish that the bride’s path through life be like “a bed of roses “-a life of ease and grace. Also, the extravagance of “wasting” the flowers by walking on them symbolizes the wish that life may be so full and easy that the bride and groom may pass through it as if tiptoeing on flowers.
Both in White
You may have already decided to wear white. If you have, it may further your appreciation of your choice to know what this can symbolize. In the Jewish tradition it is believed that when a man marries, his sins are forgiven. Like the holiday of Yom Kippur, marriage is thought to bring atonement for all past wrongdoing. Thus the wedding day is supremely sacred, for the bride and groom who are seen to embark upon married life in a state of utter purity embody in ritual the words of the ancient prophet Isaiah: “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be whiter than snow.” In reflection of this, both the bride and groom may choose to wear white.
A Wedding Cup
In an old French custom, the bride and groom drink a toast from a two-handled cup. This, of course, stands for the coming together of their two lives, as a cup is often the symbol of the cup of life. In the French tradition this special cup is called the coupe de marriage; it is often handed down as a heirloom to the next generation of brides and grooms.
Wedding Candles
In both Greece and Germany, the bride and groom traditionally greet one another with candles festooned with ribbons and flowers. These symbolize not only the love and delight with which the man and woman are coming together in marriage, but also the illumination they will bring to one another.
The Thrones of Blessing
In the Netherlands both bride and groom sit on grand chairs, or thrones, under a canopy of green boughs. There, together, they receive the well-wishes of family and friends. This custom, symbolizing the evergreen freshness and vitality of love, is usually the high point of a pre-wedding gathering. It sends the bride and groom off to their wedding awash in good wishes, blessed and encouraged in their undertaking. Although this is traditionally a pre-wedding tradition, some form of it could be included at the rehearsal dinner or as a part of the reception festivities.
The Two-Bouquet Ceremony
In Burma both the bride and the groom hold flower bouquets during the recitation of their vows. The symbolism here is that the blessings and obligations of marriage apply to both bride and groom; the promises they make to each other are as precious to the man as they are to the woman. When they have finished their vows, the bride and groom dip their hands in a shared bowl of water, to symbolize the water of life.
A Canopy of Love
In the Jewish wedding, the ceremony takes place under a beautiful silk or velvet canopy, or huppah. This represents the home that the bride and groom are creating, and, during the ceremony itself, provides the sacred environment in which the bride and groom exchange their rings and take their vows.
Although you may not want an actual huppah, per se, you may want to build on this lovely tradition by featuring a beautiful arch or gazebo decorated with flowers, or a colorful tent in which to conduct your ceremony.
Confetti of Flowers
In India, where the fragrance of flowers in the form of incense is deeply a part of spiritual life, the groom’s brother traditionally sprinkles flower petals on the bride and groom at the closing of the wedding ceremony. This is as if to say, through the extravagance of spilled flowers: May your life together be filled with comfort and ease; may it be filled with the deliciousness of flowers; may you want for nothing.
Hindu weddings in India and elsewhere also include an initial exchange of flower garlands by bride and groom, a gift of protective amulets tied to the wrists of the couple, and a recitation of family lineage. The couple is then tied together with a sash, and they walk around a ceremonial fire seven times to signify their vow to face life’s challenges together. This is a beautiful symbol that you might want to incorporate in some form in your ceremony.
A Marriage Contract
The ketubah is a written marriage contract that is customarily read out loud at Jewish weddings. Developed more than a thousand years ago, it was intended to protect a woman’s rights in marriage. To that end, it spelled out the financial and legal responsibilities being undertaken by the groom.
Although only the traditional wording is legal under Jewish law, many couples, both Jewish and otherwise, have chosen to write their own special versions, stating when and where they were married and detailing the promises they have made to one another. I have seen beautiful examples of such contracts, replete with elegant calligraphy and illustrations; framed and hung, they are a wonderful lasting testament to a couple’s sacred vows.