Love, like any other emotion, always functions in the support of the fundamental aims of an individual. The presence or absence of love, its direction and degree, and its durability depend in any given case upon basic attitudes toward the relationship between the self and the other one. Thus, for the individual with a high degree of social interest, love can be the implement of the greatest contribution he can make to another, the giving of all he has and all he is. It may become the most sincere expression of one’s desire to belong.But in the individual, who is deficient in social interest, love can be an instrument of hostility and can sub serve the desire to remain outside the community. It is in this abuse of love that we find the passion and even violence which sometimes attend unwise or forbidden love. For strong emotion may be needed to suppress common sense and conscience and to facilitate the rejection of obligations to the community. The greater the opposition to the logic of social life, the more one must find a convincing alibi to justify his defiance. And where can he find a better alibi than in a love in whose presence he is helpless?
If we acknowledge that we choose the direction of our love in accordance with our fundamental purposes, it can be said that we even decide upon whether or not to fall in love. Of course, this decision is one of which we are usually unaware.
The realization of being in love is a moment of high importance psychologically. It is characterized by a desire to give oneself and to accept the other one, by a sustained and exclusive interest in the other one, by a longing to be together.
The existence of love is threatened whenever our attitude toward the other one changes. When our social interest diminishes through some deep discouragement, we become sensitive to influences which we formerly ignored. It is here that we find a slight tarnish in the love dream and begin to look for that degree of perfection which is worthy of our love.
Thus, love depends upon the intentions of the lover. If these are directed toward cooperation in mutual achievement, love can be a blessing which may give articulate expression to the poetry inherent in every soul. If they represent a discouragement and distrustful withdrawal from participation, love can be the devil’s own instrument for destroying duty and decency. “Only a courageous human being is capable of experiencing real love.”