The fact that jealousy is very closely related to the popular conception of the role of sex indicates that the whole subject needs clarification. The meaning and implication given to fidelity and possession often disturbs the human fellowship of husband and wife and brings to a head the personal problems threatening understanding and harmony. Not only does jealousy express the competition between man and woman, man and man, and woman and woman; it intensifies the competition. Because investigation of this subject offers so many opportunities to explore the bases of many conflicts in marriage, as well as the differences between their logical and psychological content, it is profitable to use this topic as the beginning of an analysis of concrete problems.
Is Jealousy a Sign of Love?
It is a general belief that jealousy and love belong inseparably together, so that love without jealousy seems impossible. Jealousy is frequently regarded as a true measure of the degree and depth of love, and many realize that they are in love only when they become jealous. For them, the overwhelming power of love is never more impressively revealed than by the poignant wretchedness of jealousy. They do not stop to realize how much fury, hostility, and antagonism they thus require in order to discover love. Although hardly anyone escapes the painful experience of jealousy, hardly anyone understands its true meaning and essential structure. We lose our common sense while we are in the grip of jealousy, and even after we have regained our clear and collected judgment we fail to understand its nature.
The nature of antagonistic emotions generally prohibits a conscious admission of their underlying tendencies, as these tendencies are irreconcilable with our desire to maintain a respectable opinion of ourselves. Thus we excuse one of the most vicious intentions-namely, to hurt someone we love–by referring to the most widely accepted values in life: love, devotion, chastity, and trustworthiness. The jealous person expresses his concern with these ethical and moral aspects while he neglects the most elementary rules of decency.
Let us see clearly: We can be jealous without being in love. That is true not only for the relationship between friends, between members of the family, and between two persons whose relationships are not sexually tinged; men and women slightly interested erotically in each other can become jealous without any sign of deeper devotion. A girl attracting the attention of many suitors may become distinctly jealous if one of them is in danger of being lured by the charm of another girl. On the other hand, infidelity in itself does not necessarily produce jealousy in the loving cuckold. Many a man loves his wife for her success with other men, which evokes pleasant stimulations. The psychological background of jealousy is more complicated and not at all related directly to the problem of faithfulness.
