Closely related to taste is the significance of beauty.
Artists may look for a sectio aurea to decide objectively what is beautiful, but the average person still judges beauty quite subjectively. Beauty is what we like-whatever we enjoy seeing. Personal taste arbitrates beauty, particularly in regard to sex. Feminine beauty, masculine strength-for strength in a man passes for beauty-these are decisive factors in the choice of a mate. But why have we chosen these particular standards? Old theories suggest that these two attributes indicate health, and as health is of primary importance in procreation, they would seem to provide a sound foundation for marital selection. These theories, however, do not explain why we have made beauty a feminine prerogative, while strength is the criterion in a man.
That these are our standards is evidence of our patriarchal thinking. Actually, health is not the basis for the esteem in which beauty and strength are held; types of morbid beauty are not less attractive erotically and muscles often hide decayed bodies and deteriorated minds. The truth is that in a patriarchal society beauty and strength are social values; the female sex must be the “fair” one because it trades on its appearance, catching the eye of the selecting male, who afterward, proudly demonstrating his wife’s beauty, can boast of his conquest and excite the envy of other males. He, on his side, has impressed his partner with his conquering strength, which guarantees protection and domination. A pretty man looks effeminate, because he operates with feminine methods, while a muscular woman looks masculine. Beauty and strength thus became the basic elements of sexual attraction, now called “sex appeal.” Current social changes in the relationship between the sexes will modify these values, too. Feminine beauty may cease to be a social asset and be judged on the basis of a more individual private preference, or may even become utterly insignificant.
The implications of the term sex appeal exemplify such changes. Although seemingly physical in nature, sex appeal becomes increasingly an expression more of mental and emotional processes than of physical qualities. This becomes more apparent as the attraction of mere beauty diminishes. But what distinguishes sex appeal from beauty? Beauty evokes admiration in men, sex appeal excitement. The girl with sex appeal intends to excite, whether she is aware of this tendency or not. And furthermore, she knows she can succeed. Lack of physical appeal is no obstacle, as beauty is only incidentally an asset. Every woman can develop sex appeal if she becomes interested in erotic conquest and discovers her ability to excite. Many plain women suddenly become attractive in response to unexpected attention and affection, which change their conception of themselves. Sex appeal in men does not need “war paint” and disclosure of hidden allure to attract the excited imagination of females, but it expresses the same will to conquer and the confidence of success, as do feminine charms.
Despite the high esteem in which sex appeal is held, it is still foolish to be impressed by it. Persons with sex appeal generally do not make good mates. When a girl with sex appeal marries, she both retains her desire to excite men and makes her husband jealous and unhappy, or if she finds satisfaction she loses her sex appeal and with it her husband, who chose her for this reason. In either case, she shifts the equilibrium which existed at the time of her marriage. The desire to excite indicates a thirst for gratification which can never be quenched. It is directed rather toward attention and new conquests than toward contentment and lasting companionship.
Beauty, by stimulating such aberrations, can likewise become a handicap rather than an advantage to marital success. Beautiful girls may rely more on the attention they can expect than on their ability to playa constructive part in society. False ambition and vanity, combined with dependency upon the opinions of others, create a lack of self confidence. Thus beauty, which evokes pampering, too frequently hinders the development of constructive qualities and impairs the sense of cooperation. Hence, many beautiful women cannot succeed in their marriages. They receive attention and admiration; they find pleasure in erotic gratification; but their lives often remain empty. The threat of old age hangs over their heads. The glamour girl and the Don Juan are only two of many types of unsuitable mates. Nevertheless, these types are often chosen.
Tastes and predilections are conscious inducements for falling in love with a given partner. They express, however, inner motivations of which nobody is fully aware. The whole process of selecting and choosing is based upon deeper psychological processes, which are not accessible to introspection and self-analysis. While everybody knows and feels what he wants, recognizing his desires and wishes, he remains unaware of his real goals, aims, and purposes, especially when his intentions are not in line with common sense and are directed against social conventions and the logical demands of a given life situation.
A socially well-adjusted person with courage, self confidence, and faith in his own future and happiness will intuitively choose a partner who promises happiness and harmonious union. A discouraged, pessimistic individual may still desire love, affection, and marriage, but his pessimistic expectations will lead him astray. He either will not recognize a good chance or will run away from it, as it does not fit into his scheme of action. His inner defensiveness may induce him to develop a variety of attitudes and actions which provoke and, at the same time, excuse sexual and marital difficulties and frustration. 