What love means to an individual depends therefore upon how he uses love in regard to his entire life situation. Love is a task which confronts every human being as a part of human society. There is a definite interrelationship between the task of love and the two other life tasks, namely, to work, and to get along socially with other human beings. Success in life means solving these three problems. They all demand social feeling and courage, and readiness for cooperation. A good husband generally makes a good worker and a good friend. On the other hand, he who runs away from love and marriage is a coward and probably retreats also in other spheres of his social life.
This interaction among the three life problems can, however, also take a contradictory turn. It is possible to use one obligation against the others. One can become so entangled in love that he has neither time nor a clear head for work. He misuses his love against his other life problems. Or he may become exclusively interested in his work in order to avoid any relationship with the opposite sex or social contact. Love can be misused against life in a thousand ways. Even very happy marriages are occasionally based on the anti-social desires of two individuals to avoid social integration. And in the realm of love itself, one component of love can be used to destroy the other: sexual attraction for one person might be put in opposition to the understanding and companionship of another person. Through either method a harmonious union is prevented, although the “feeling” of love seems to be experienced in either case.
Definition of Love
Now it is clear why no satisfactory answer has been given to the question, “What is Love?” From a scientific point of view, we have to include in the term love all the emotional attractions between two persons of the opposite sex, from the slightest amount of sympathy to the deepest devotion, with or without obvious sexual desire. But we also have to include every kind of sexual attraction regardless of the object, be it a person of the opposite sex or not. This broad concept has, of course, little value for any practical application. There is no possibility of deciding objectively which love is true, which insincere; which one is real, which imaginary. Love as an emotion is highly subjective. Love is what one calls love-and one calls love any strong emotion of desire, be it created for devotion or domination, for heaven or hell, for happiness or misery.
In order to understand why so many people misuse or do not use at all their “natural” ability for loving, why so many are disappointed and unhappy, and why harmonious and satisfactory marriages seem to become more and more an exception, we have to look for social factors. Then we can expect an answer to the undeniable fact that most of us lack confidence in ourselves and in others, without which constructive love is impossible. Apparently, we are not ready for love. And what many call love is certainly not what love could be. 