One factor which often influences the selection of a certain person is his resemblance to other persons previously objects of our affection. The resemblance may lie in physical features or mannerisms or, what is more important, in character traits which promise the re-establishment of an already familiar relationship. Previous experiences with a person of the other sex influence our attitude in the first meeting with any new acquaintance. The more intense these earlier experiences were, the deeper their influence in regard to the establishment of new relationships. The strength of these early impressions can be measured not only by the intensity and duration of the emotions previously aroused, whether pleasant or disturbing, but by the influence they have had on our outlook on life. This fact explains why early childhood experiences, even if they were of a rather casual nature and not connected with strong emotions, so frequently affect the choice of a mate. They played an important part in the establishment of our life plan which later relationships can scarcely change. A man who was a pampered child and relied upon the help of others will probably throughout his life be especially impressed by women who accept him as such. The more intensely he was pampered, the earlier it happened and the longer it lasted, the more closely will his later choices resemble the woman who pampered him-generally a mother or older sister. Such early impressions lead often to a definite taste in regard to the opposite sex.
Individual Taste
Our present taste in love can often be traced back to persons of the other sex who in the past responded to our desires. Our present attitude may be aggressive or retiring, courageous or timid, and may even change from time to time. At any given moment we rely on those past images in making our choice, in accordance with our personal needs and the requirements of our life situation.
Our predilections, however, also reflect our thoughts and fantasies, which are not only based on personal experiences, but stimulated by our whole environment. Personal taste expresses not merely the desire of a single individual, but the evaluations of the group to which he belongs. The mate felt to be ideal and most desirable follows a pattern of ideal figures created by the imagination of the whole group. Ideals change as social conditions change. Fashions, the style of women’s clothes, and even their figures, are influenced by social conditions and the status of women, as by all events which influence the life of society. War, prosperity, depression are immediately reflected in styles of dress; it is astonishing how quickly and precisely slight changes in the social position of women are registered in fashions. Hairdress, length of skirt, accentuation or disguising of contour and figure are characteristically responsive, as woman, by rendering her appearance more masculine or feminine, not only changes man’s taste but expresses her evaluation of man’s opinion.’ The great popularity of a given artist and his success in influencing the erotic taste of innumerable people shows that this artist senses the general social trends and becomes their exponent, often without realizing it. Movie stars and actors in general have an eminent place in representing general desires and influencing the formulation of ideal types. It is hardly possible to distinguish the contribution of a powerful personality from the public demand. Influence and response are probably interdependent.
A new and puzzling contemporary development, namely, a definite endency to choose an older man or woman as a mate, seems to require some consideration and analysis. First, men today have been pampered children more frequently than in the past. Second, the lowered status of men makes them more likely to refuse the highly responsible position of the superior male and to look instead for a mother.
On the other hand, the girl who still has a longing-her cultural nheritance of the past-for such a superior man, once found him in the person of her father, but does not encounter him any longer among the men of her own age. She often looks for an older more experienced and better established mate who offers fatherly consideration and protection, not to be found among the more competitive ontemporaries. Older persons, on their part, are more willing to accept responsibility in exchange for the gratification of their superiority over admiring juniors; their greater experience makes it easier for them to maintain their superiority without antagonizing their partners. The choice of a much older or younger partner may represent a constructive tendency toward a happy union or a striving after cheap success; all depends upon whether it is the expression of courage or of timidity.