Funny Wedding Vows to Brighten Up Your Ceremony

funniest wedding vows
Source: Bhldn

23 Hilarious Wedding Vows for The Big Day

funniest wedding vows
Source: Bhldn

Wedding vows are something that people will remember when they leave your wedding ceremony, but you might not know which ones to use. There are 23 vows below that you will love, and you can adjust them to personalize each phrase for your wedding. Continue reading if you are looking for hilarious vows for any wedding ceremony.

1. “I promise to put the toilet seat down and replace the toilet roll whenever it is empty.”

You might also promise that you will put the toilet paper on the “proper” way. Most people believe that the toilet paper should roll over the top, and that particular promise might be funny to your or your spouse if they take toilet paper seriously.

2. “I promise to ‘like’ your Instagram photos within a reasonable amount of time after posting.

The funniest wedding vows often involve how you and your spouse use social media. If the two of you use Instagram, it stands to reason that you will “like” their posts quickly. This vow involves God in your use of social media.

3. “I promise to acknowledge your time watching ‘Real Housewives’ as sacred time.”

If you are looking for hysterical wedding vows, you need to pick your spouse’s favorite show. For ladies, you might say you will make watching Packers game into sacred time. If you are a man, you might promise that Jersey Shore or Property Brothers will not be interrupted.

4. “I promise to love you as much as I love our dog. From this moment forward I will lint roll our furniture before anyone visits and buy you treats whenever you request them.”

This is a cute way for the two of you to become joint parents of a beloved pet. Your lady might love her dog more than you, and this funny wedding vow helps involve your pet in the ceremony. You could even bring your pet to the ceremony.

5. “I promise to save new Netflix shows for watching with you.”

Saving shows on Netflix is important especially if you get home before your spouse. You could promise to binge-watch all their favorite shows even if you do not like them.

6. “I promise to buy you things, lots of them.”

Inappropriate wedding vows might speak to stereotypes or preconceived notions we have about men and women. Promising to buy your wife lots of things is funny even if it is a bit inappropriate.

7. “I promise to give you spa days.”

The funniest wedding vows are often realistic. You can give your wife a spa day if she really needs it. You should pamper your future spouse to be! Whether that is spoiling her to a spa day or offering them personal massages.

8. “I promise to spend only half the day on Sundays watching football.”

When you are hunting for hysterical wedding vows, you might ask your new husband to repeat this vow at the ceremony. He will giggle, and you can make the crowd laugh.

9. “I promise to start buying rosé.”

If you hate rose wine, you can promise to buy this wine especially when your guests know how much your spouse loves it. This also rings true for any of your spouse-to-be favorite drink whether that is alcohol, wine, or milk.

10. “I promise to love and cherish you… even if you think the Spice Girls are classic rock.”

This is a funny way to make fun of your spouse’s music taste. You could take your inappropriate wedding vows to the next level by playing the Spice Girls as you walk down the aisle.

11. “I promise to take you to Disneyland, as long as you know I’m going as a Star Wars fan, not as a Disney fan.”

This is a funny way to promise trips to amusement parks even if you do not like amusement parks. Plus, your spouse might hate Star Wars.

12. “I promise to take out the trash, even in the pouring rain.”

This is simply a funny way to promise you will do something hard because you know your spouse hates walking in the rain. Remind your spouse that you will take care of them! Remind your spouse that you will do the mundane boring things so they don't have to.

13. “I promise to be your human garbage disposal, finishing your meals when we are out at a restaurant.”

Hilarious vows for any wedding ceremony should include this particular vow especially when the guests have seen you eat. If either of you are real foodies, this will definitely ring true throughout the audience!

14. “I promise to accept your rose anytime.”

You could leave roses as favors at every table, and you can make fun of your spouse’s love of “The Bachelor” at the same time. Whether you watch this show together or you force them to watch this, this vow will get a laugh from the crowd.

15. “I promise that your hand will be the only hand I ever clutch on an airplane when there’s turbulence.”

If your spouse does not like flying, you can use this vow to make everyone laugh. Plus, this might be the only way they will get on the plane for the honeymoon.

16. “I promise never to keep score, even though I am clearly winning.”

When one of you is the funnier of the two, you can use this vow to make everyone laugh because you are already cracking jokes.

17. “I promise to give you my full attention at all times until we have a kid.”

This is funny because it is true. All the parents in the audience will laugh hysterically. Promising someone your undivided attention is perfect for your wedding vows.

18. “I promise to root for your favorite teams unless they play my favorite teams.”

You could even use wedding favors tailored to your favorite teams at the wedding to make this vow especially poignant. If you and your fiance are both into sports, this vow will hit home!

19. “I promise never to argue, unless I know I’m right about something.”

This is a cute vow that speaks to how couples deal with arguments. This is especially true if one of you if more aggressive than the other.

20. “I promise to become a cat person for you. Actually nevermind I could never do that for anyone.”

This is funny if you have always had a dog or brought a dog into a relationship or a real dog person. If your fiance is a total dog person, this vow will hit right at home.

21. “I promise to embrace all your weird habits, even when you put Nutella on every food item you consume.”

You could have a Nutella bar at the reception to make this vow funnier. Calling out some of their personal quirks makes the wedding vows even more personal.

22. “I hope to be each other’s favorite people at every boring dinner party we attend.”

This is the only way you will survive networking events and Christmas parties with boring relatives. Some of those weddings might be at the wedding.

23. “I hope we will never have to create a dating app profile ever again.”

This is the reality of living in the 21st Century. Every single person at the wedding will completely understand.

We've gathered the funniest wedding vows to make your ceremony memorable for everyone. You can even tie your wedding favors, music, and food into the hilarious vows you use.

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